A TALE OF URBAN SUBURBAN SURVIVAL

Monday, September 19, 2011

-babies EVERYWHERE-

First, watch this genius un-aired Nutri-Grain commercial.


Hilarious, right?? (if you did not think this was hilarious, go back and watch it over and over and over again until you agree.)

Now, back to the blog.


So last night I dreamt I was having a baby.












(Melanie Mayhew, you may NOT use this for Facebook fodder.)

I mean, every now and again that dream pops up---well, that and the dream where I'm back in high school, but forgot to go to math class the whole year (of course it's math), but I need to take the exam to graduate, so I spend the whole dream inexplicably lost in the hallways, debating whether if I should sheepishly show up (the answer is always no).

*insert cold sweat here*

But back to babies.

*insert another cold sweat here*

This is how my 20's were SUPPOSED to have been spent: 

We graduate from college. A few years later everybody starts pairing off, then the weddings begin---I get to complain for several years about how we have NINE BAZILLION weddings this summer, etc. 
Eventually, and I mean wa-HAY down the line, everybody starts popping out kids, and I am SO relieved to go to baby showers instead of weddings, I embrace the whole "do I go big with a breast-pump or play it safe with a collection of onesies for this baby shower?" kinds of life dilemmas.

But I never got to revel in my competitive "who suffered through more weddings" phase. 

Oh no. 

Somehow everyone completely skipped to having babies.

Sure, people got married, but I kid you not, 'baby' activity has gone up approximately 215% on my Facebook feed in the last 2 years!

Let me break it down for you. Right now, I know of:
4 pregnant ladies (2 are family, another 2 are due ON THE SAME DAY and both are late!)
4 family members with babies
3 really good friends with babies
7 friends from college/high school with babies
and 6 acquaintances with babies

That is a LOT. Needless to say, I find myself slightly overwhelmed attempting to grapple with everyone else's Big Settle.

So how does someone in her adult-not-yet-a-parent phase of life cope?

You could watch this. (Will Arnett. Christina Applegate. You shouldn't need any extra convincing.)



Or buy this for prospective parents. (Personally, I would go with the audio version by Samuel 'SNAKES ON A PLANE' Jackson.)



Or get a dog. (This is up for debate as to whether this will help or exacerbate my situation.)



So ladies, I love you all, and holy moley your babies are adorable, but just let me say you all are NOT helping my cause!